


Could you lay with me so it doesn’t hurt

by DejiNyucu



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Break Up, Comfort/Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morning After, Mutual Masturbation, One Night Stands, Past HaruMina, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Smut, Tags Are Hard, mentioned past Minami/Haruki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DejiNyucu/pseuds/DejiNyucu
Summary: Minami needs somebody to forget his pain with, and Torao is the best short-notice candidate.
Relationships: Midou Torao/Natsume Minami
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Could you lay with me so it doesn’t hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, won't you stay with me?  
> 'Cause you're all I need  
> This ain't love, it's clear to see  
> But darling, stay with me”  
> -Sam smith - “Stay with me”

Minami was drunk. That much was obvious.

The weird part was that he was being clingier than usual. Minami was a bubbly drunk, which contrasted with his usual nonchalant and mild mannered demeanor; it was fun to watch him and hang out with him when going out for drinks with their friends, even though he tended to restrain himself and hold his liquor well enough. But Minami was never outright flirty and clingy.

Torao sighed and put his arm around Minami’s shoulder. Minami rubbed his head against his chest. This was definitely out of the norm.

“Hey Minami...are you okay?”

“I’m doing perfectly fine, Midou-san! Ah… I’m so happy you’re giving me attention tonight fufu~”

“You’re the one clinging to me, I’m not-” he took a deep breath “Look, I know you’re upset, but…”

Minami looked at him, lidded eyes, flushed cheeks and a sweet, big smile, and lifted his fingers to touch Torao’s lips.

“Please let me enjoy this, Midou-san?”

Minami was beautiful, and with that expression even more so. He wished his expression was genuine, though; even he could tell that behind those smiling eyes he was actually hurting.

Minami and Haruka had started dating sometime around two or three years prior. Nobody, except maybe them, really understood why it came to be, but it was painfully obvious they were both very much attached to each other before they even got together; Torao and Touma would even ask why they were not a couple already, since they behaved like one anyway. In the end, they got together, bets were paid and many teeth-rotting moments between the two underage ZOOL members were had.

They were happy together for a couple of years, or so it seemed; however, one day, without any leading tension or fighting whatsoever, it was over.

Citing vague reasons that later on would take the form of words like “needing space”, “unhealthy” and “codependency”, Haruka broke up with Minami out of the blue. Nobody saw it coming, and definitely not Minami.

Minami was devastated, to say the least. Haruka seemed to be hurting as well. Despite all that, they kept a friendly and professional yet tense relationship as group mates for several months already. It was crystal clear that their feelings were still there, that it was just a matter of time for them to get back together, but given the state Minami was currently in, this wasn’t the case at all.

Minami had invited Torao for drinks earlier that day, leaving no room for a no in his tone of voice. Torao, of course, accepted. Minami was _terrible_ at opening up and saying what he really felt - always dancing around the subject, yet still easy enough to read -, so such an invitation meant something really big had to be going on. The fact that he invited _him_ instead of Touma was a bit strange, but Torao didn’t question it too much.

The evening was fun even if unusual; they talked and laughed about unimportant things and Minami seemed to lighten up.

After the effect of the alcohol started to wear off and the drinks and snack plates were already empty in front of them, Minami spoke,

“Midou-san… Would you please take me home tonight?” Minami’s eyes were not on Torao’s but on some indefinite point on the table.

“Of course, I’ll take you home safely.” Torao said with that low, velvety voice of his.

Minami lowered his head and replied,

“... that’s not what I mean, Midou-san.”

  
  


As they entered Torao’s apartment, Minami put his coat away and closed the distance between them. Before Torao could say a single word, there were arms around his neck and firm lips on his. His first instinct was to put his arm around the offender’s waist and deepen the kiss, but this wasn’t just a random fling, this was _Minami_. 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t attracted to him, Minami was not only sexy but beautiful after all, but this was uncharacteristic of him, to say the least, and getting carried away with the situation instead of addressing the matter felt wrong.

“Woah, woah! Easy there!” Torao quickly withdrew and grabbed Minami’s arms to unclasp them from his hold.

“You don’t want me, Midou-san?” Minami asked, alluringly at first. “Is there something wrong with me…?”

Minami was not drunk anymore so there was no way the alcohol was letting more out than intended, yet his furrowed brows and the slight shake in his voice betrayed his bold attitude from a moment ago. If Torao didn’t know better, he would have thought Minami seemed almost desperate.

“Minami, it’s not… I don’t…” Torao shook his head, his hands firmly grabbing Minami’s shoulders, keeping both their distance as well as trying to ground him. “If you want to stay the night, that’s fine.” said Torao, softening his voice to a soothing but concerned tone, “If you want to talk, that’s also fine. But please don’t throw yourself at me.”

Minami seemed guilty for a moment.

“Tell me what you need. I’ll take care of it.” Torao added.

“...What if what I need right now is to sleep with Midou-san?” Minami said slowly, without room for misinterpretation, with his head slightly tilted and his expression pleading but determined, in that soft way he normally had. 

And Torao didn’t really know how to respond to the beautiful man in front of him.

  
—————  
  


Minami’s kisses were needy against Torao’s mouth as they fumbled towards his big bed, quickly discarding the garments that were in the way, neither of them leaving a moment to think about what they were about to do.

Torao’s hand in Minami’s hair, holding his head while Minami deftly undid his shirt; Torao’s own hands working quickly on Minami’s pants without a moment to spare. Soon they were both in their underwear, Minami’s legs already being stopped by the side of the bed. Minami fell backwards with a soft thud, his arms around Torao’s neck once again. Torao followed, propping himself on his forearms at either side of Minami’s head to avoid falling on top of him. Shifting his weight to one arm while nibbling on Minami’s lips - he didn’t know how rough he was allowed to be, so he played the careful card -, his other hand was free to travel from Minami’s face, to his neck and then slide along his side.

Minami quivered at the touch and Torao took it as a cue to grasp his hip and prop himself up to reposition himself over Minami. With a slow and calculated motion, their bulging crotches rubbed together. Minami rocked his hips and threw his head back, gasping into Torao’s mouth and exposing his neck, which Torao then was happy to start exploring after giving Minami’s earlobe a slow and thorough licking, which elicited soft hums and estranged but melodical moans.

Minami’s hips were doing most of the grinding between them, starting slow and then upping up the tempo, sloppy kisses and playful tongues curling against one another matching their rhythm.

Torao lifted himself up for a moment, his body missing the contact immediately, which Minami took as a cue to sit up and move backwards towards the center of the bed, his hungry eyes never leaving Torao’s.

Torao looked at him properly for the first time during this whole ordeal and found him, again, beautiful. His now messy hair, his mostly naked body and the bulge threatening to burst from his underwear made Torao only want him more. He thought to himself that it was a good thing that they were both single and able to indulge in this.

For a moment, he wondered what kind of thing would be going through Minami’s head right now as he licked his lips in lusty anticipation while Torao crawled towards him.

With a quick yank, Minami’s erection sprung from his underwear, already glistening with precum. Torao spared a quick thought that even Minami’s dick was beautiful, as he thumbed the tip to smear the fluid around it some more, making it twitch. Minami just observed expectantly as Torao quickly got rid of his underpants and cupped his sack, playing with his balls for a moment before grabbing his shaft and giving him a pump. Minami raised his head to meet Torao’s eyes and rapidly tugged Torao’s head towards him to slid his tongue in his mouth once again.

Minami panted in Torao’s mouth as the latter stroked him, his tongue flicking around his own as Minami’s lips no longer cared about actual kissing. Torao caught it in his lips and sucked, then went back to flicking, while Minami choked and moaned rhythmically while rocking his hips to meet his hand.

Torao felt his own neglected cock being groped, and welcomed the touch. He coaxed both of them to lay on the bed so Minami could have easier access to him, and his erection was quickly freed from his underpants while an eager hand wrapped itself around him to pump with a matching rhythm. Minami’s grip was somehow firm and soft. His touch felt practiced and deliberate, and Torao felt tempted to just lay back and enjoy the attention… but Minami was the one to be spoiled tonight, he could enjoy himself later. As good as it felt, he wasn’t going to come from a simple handjob, but Minami seemed to be enjoying it well enough.

Why didn’t they at least do this much before? Minami may have been a minor when they met, but he didn’t really have that long before turning twenty, and he had always been gorgeous. Torao highly doubted Haruka was his first partner at all, and he couldn’t deny that the idea of having some fun together didn’t cross his mind at least once. They used to flirt back and forth until they didn’t.

Minami grabbed Torao’s wrist with a grunt to stop his movement and look at him, getting him to come back to reality - he wondered if he had unintentionally gone a bit soft while thinking.

Minami removed his hand from Torao’s dick and pushed him on his back, before removing his underpants. Torao thought for a moment that he would get a blowjob, especially as Minami tucked some of his messy hair behind his ear, but he was mistaken, as he promptly sat astride on his lower abdomen instead.

“I have lube and condoms on the nightstand” uttered Torao, the first words he had probably said for a while.

“Don’t need them” replied Minami with a teasing smile.

“Wait, Minami, we need that!” argued Torao, already trying to sit up in protest, but a hand on his chest put him back in place, while another hand grabbed his erection to keep him in place as Minami lowered his ass on him. That was a bit of a painful moment, as Minami’s ass was tight. They both winced for a second before Minami relaxed and lowered himself all the way, taking all of Torao’s length inside him.

“Fuck….” was the only thing Torao said before plopping back on the bed. Minami’s ass had no business feeling _that_ good. 

Minami chuckled, then put his palms on Torao’s abs before lifting himself up slowly, leaving only the tip inside him, making Torao groan. After a brief moment, he proceeded to take his time lowering himself all the way down. Minami did it once again, this time taking a bit of time to wiggle on Torao’s tip, only to fall down faster.

His amused, devilish face as he took his time teasing Torao was both infuriating and horribly hot.

Minami lifted himself one more time, this time bobbing slightly on Torao’s tip, threatening to let him back inside completely only to lift up and down again. Minami’s eyes were affixed on Torao’s, most likely savoring every bit of frustration and desperation building up inside him, only letting his body fall back down on him with a slapping sound right before Torao would jerk his hips up to force himself in.

Minami knew _exactly_ what he was doing and how he was making him feel, the damn tease, and that was driving him mad. Torao dug his fingers on Minami’s legs as he lifted himself up, and with a grin he thrust his hips up, making Minami yelp in surprise.

Minami took the hint and removed his hands from where they stood to grab Torao’s thighs behind him, leaning back just a bit, as he let himself bounce freely on Torao’s cock with each thrust, moaning rhythmically.

Minami’s teasing didn’t end there, as he lead Torao’s eyes by dragging his hand down his face, tugging briefly on his rosy lips, travelling suggestively down his neck, delicately touching his own collarbones and then lingering over one of his erected nipples while seductively biting his lower lip; Torao was positively salivating at the sight and couldn’t help but also bite his own lip with a grin and thrust harder again, as he had unconsciously slowed his tempo while watching.

Minami then continued where he left off, palm flat on his abdomen and reaching down to deliberately grasp his neglected dick for his captive audience. He pumped it slowly once and squeezed precum off it, which dripped onto Torao’s sweaty abs, now moving at a slower tempo once again as his focus laid on Minami’s fingers, who carefully wiped his fluid from where it pooled and from a drop on his tip, bringing them up to his mouth to lick them clean a second later.

Torao’s restraint flew off the window and with one one swift motion sat up and groped Minami’s ass to hold him in place on his lap and control their rhythm himself. He growled, as he dragged his tongue up Minami’s throat, holding his head with his free hand, while Minami raked his fingers in his hair. He knew he shouldn’t leave any marks, so he couldn’t spend time sucking and nibbling on any one spot, settling instead for sucking on Minami’s collarbones.

“M-Midou...san….” Minami said between pants and moans. Torao couldn’t remember a time when his name sounded sweeter in anybody else’s voice.

Torao wanted nothing but to speed up their tempo and let his body enjoy itself without holding anything back - he could always have a second round right after -, but the friction started to become uncomfortable. As he slowed down and took a look at Minami, he also seemed to be starting to wince with each thrust.

Torao stopped.

“Midou-san?” Minami asked, puzzled.

“Get off me for a second.”

“... excuse me?” he widened his eyes.

“I’m just gonna get some lube and a condom, alright? My dick is gonna get chafed if we keep this up.” Minami nonchalantly hopped off him and looked away; Torao thought he didn’t look embarrassed, but sulky.

After grabbing a fancy lube bottle and a wrapper from the drawer, he addressed Minami again.

“Alright, turn around.”

“Ara~ Are you going to take me from behind, Midou-san?” Minami asked, coyly.

“Of course I am!” replied Torao and then lowered his voice. ”I’m not letting you control the pace anymore. I’m the one in charge now.”

Minami’s asshole already looked sore, so Torao took a generous glob of lube and massaged him gently. Minami squirmed with the cool sensation and the gentle touch.

“Y-you don't have to be so gentle with me, Midou-san…” Minami shuddered.

“I told you I’m in charge. I’m making you feel good now, so you can feel even better later”. 

He was using his best bedroom voice, which Minami seemed to like so far; a soft, happy moan escaped his lips as he slowly pushed the tip of his middle finger inside him. The lube he was using doubled as a soothing massage gel, so it was perfect for the occasion.

He massaged his entrance thoroughly, twirling the tip of his finger around to make sure everything was well coated. Minami clenched around his finger and wiggled his butt with a groan, demanding more attention inside him.

“So needy…” Torao chuckled as he pushed his finger all the way in.

His own neglected cock was twitching in anticipation to penetrate Minami again, but he was going to take his sweet time, just as Minami did before, and make him beg for it. It didn’t take him long to find a sensitive spot to focus on, so he took his finger out and then, after adding a bit more lube, slowly pushed both his middle and ring finger in.

“Aren’t you neglecting yourself, Midou-san? You don’t have to hold back for my sake…” Minami said between moans and heavy breathing. Torao really liked hearing him saying his name like that.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Torao smirked. His plan was working. “I think you’re enjoying this, though.”

“N-not in part- particular…” stammered Minami in reply. Torao thought that he was a terrible liar for an actor.

“No, then?” Torao crawled closer so he could take a look at MInami’s face. “But you seem to really like when I do this,” and to punctuate the last word, he pressed and massaged Minami’s sweet spot.

“Fu-” Minami gasped loudly. Torao mentally congratulated himself for making the mild-mannered and polite Natsume Minami almost curse just using his fingers.

“See?”

He could see Minami’s face contort between pleasure and annoyance. His ragged breathing was sweet music to Torao’s ears and he only wanted to keep listening.

“... you want me to beg, don’t you?”, uttered Minami. Of course he knew what Torao was doing; as aroused as he was, he wasn’t stupid.

“Well... will you?” teased Torao.

“A… I wonder…” replied Minami, always the nonchalant tease. Torao prodded him with his fingers, harder, making Minami’s breath hitch.

“Tell me this feels good.” demanded Torao, with his husky voice as close to Minami’s ear as possible, so he could feel his breath with every word.

“This feels really good, Midou-san…” relented Minami, clutching the bed cover under him.

“Tell me what you want me to do. Say it.” Torao grinned, as Minami closed his eyes shut.

“I want... you… to keep neglecting yourself...to make me come...”

The little shit.

“Oh really?” asked Torao. “Is that really it…?” Torao slowly took his fingers out.

“Ah... please...” Minami whined.

“Please what?” Exasperated, Minami turned to him.

“Dammit, Midou-san, please fuck me already!”

Torao couldn’t help but laugh at Minami’s flushed, annoyed face; he was clearly embarrassed and unhappy he was made to beg.

“Heh, with pleasure.”

Torao made use of the forgotten condom and slathered himself with a bit more lube for good measure before kneeling in front of Minami's raised butt. He firmly groped his buttcheecks, kneading on them before spreading them open to reveal a twitching butthole, smeared in glimmering lube. Ah, he wanted to put all sort of things in that hole, but what he wanted the most right now was to just fuck the hell out of him. 

He positioned his neglected and eager cock with his hand and slowly entered him, at which Minami complained loudly.

“Please, Midou-san… stop the teasing...” pleaded Minami. Torao couldn’t refuse that sweet, needy voice.

“Alright, then. No more sweet love-making.” With that, Torao thrust his hips forward while pulling Minami’s hips back, his bodies colliding with one another with a slap and Torao’s cock entered him all the way to the base; Minami almost howled.

Minami’s moans and the sounds of their bodies smacking rhythmically over and over along the barely audible squeaking of the bed were the best background music for Torao at the moment. Minami felt _so_ good and the sight of his beautiful back, the messy hair and his fists clenching the fabric under him made everything just perfect. Torao wondered if Minami was enjoying it as much as he was - by the sounds of it, he thought he was enjoying it very much - and if he was thinking about how great it was that he picked him to sleep with. 

His mind lingered there for a moment, as he recalled drunk, clingy Minami from earlier in the evening, the pleading look when he asked him for this when they got to his place and, ultimately, his heartbroken eyes from half a year ago. He pushed aside those thoughts as Minami turned his head to look at him over his shoulder; he was such a beautiful mess.

He slowed down his tempo to strong and evenly paced thrusts, instead of the frantic hammering it had been, and Minami seemed to welcome the resting point, timing the movement of his hips and marking each thrust with an drawn out moan. Then, Torao let go of Minami’s hips, bent forward and licked along Minami’s spine, to then plant kisses and small bites on his upper back; Minami said he didn’t need him to be gentle, but he could almost hear Minami purr under him at the sensation.

He timed his bites to his thrusts - no marks, he remembered - and rocked back and forth along with Minami’s body, as their bodies slammed with a slowly increasing tempo.

“Midou-san…” Minami breathed. “Please... Don’t be gentle...”

“Want me to go harder again?”

“Y-yes…!” Minami demanded.

The way his body reacted to his softer attentions betrayed his words, thought Torao, but he had no issues fulfilling the request. He resumed his hammering and Minami chuckled as his moans got louder. 

“Yes…! Yes….! Just like that…!”

Hearing Minami’s unexpectedly unhinged cries encouraged him to slam his hips against Minami’s ass with full intensity, next morning soreness be damned.

Torao’s consciousness took a back seat to pure sensation, pleasure from both the feelings in his body as from the desperate rhythm of their act. As his body started to become a nondescript mass of pleasure, Torao reached under both of them to tug at Minami’s cock.

At the edge of his awareness Torao could hear Minami’s heaving, interspeckled with moans and whimpers while his hips and his hand had a mind of their own and fire built up in his belly. Whatever rhythm they had was already out of the window and, as he heard Minami cry out in full volume, he slammed his full waist against him as his bursting climax came over to him in waves.

Torao exhaled loudly as all the tension left his body, the pleasure of release still lingering in the corners. His now softening cock slipped out of Minami, as the latter relaxed his legs and let himself flop on the bed, panting from exertion. Torao took quick care of the used condom and grabbed a couple of small towels.

Minami opened one eye as Torao patted him down gently.

“Hey.” smiled Torao.

“...hey.” answered Minami lazily, his voice slightly raspy.

“Let’s get into bed, we don't want to sleep over that wet patch.”. Torao pointed with a nod towards the spots next to them, dark both from cum and sweat.

“Ah… you’re right…”

  
  


As they laid under the sheets, completely spent, Minami scooted closer towards Torao, who extended an arm so Minami could rest his head on his chest, and Minami obliged, curling up against him. He placed one hand on Minami’s head and another on his wrist, over his own chest, and alternated idly scratching with his fingertips on both, soothingly and sweetly. 

Torao sighed. His chest felt full, warm and nice. He really enjoyed the company of a lover after sex, the lazy moments when sweet words and soft chuckles were had, but this was Minami.

He loved Minami. 

Maybe not in a romantic sense, but he loved him nonetheless, so this particular moment was different than others. There were no sweet words, or chuckles this time, though. He knew why Minami came to him, of course he did, even if he didn’t want to think about it during their love making session just a minute ago. 

Torao didn’t regret it. He was definitely good at getting laid and that’s what Minami needed, wasn’t it? He just wished things would have happened under different circumstances. What kind of different circumstances, he couldn’t really tell; wishing Minami and Haruka never got together in the first place so he could have had a shot was selfish and wrong, yet...

While Torao mused over this, Minami curled up further, his shoulders shaking. 

Then a sob and a string of hiccups followed and there was no going back.

Just like before with the unhinged cries of pleasure, Minami’s tears came unbound as he wailed into Torao’s chest.

Torao took Minami’s hand on his own and gently caressed his head, not saying a word.

Minami only stopped crying when he fell asleep.

\---- ---- ----- ----- -

  
  


Torao was fast asleep next to him when he woke up.

Minami looked at the bed he was in, the soft and expensive looking sheets that surrounded him, and the simply decorated but obviously high end bedroom. It wasn’t the first time he had been in this bedroom, but the first time he had laid - or had been laid - in this bed.

The last time he woke up tired and sore next to a new lover seemed like a lifetime ago, and in a way it was; Haruka had… he had been a breath of sweet fresh air in his love life. Before him, Sakura Haruki had waltzed into his life, healed his heart and his body, only to tear them apart, even if his pain was ultimately Minami’s own doing. 

And before that… he didn’t exactly want to remember those times; he acknowledged the irony with a bitter smile, that he was being no better than those old selfish lovers that just made use of him.

Torao stirred up from his sleep just as he was getting up.

“Leaving already…?” a sleepy Torao looked his way.

“Good morning, Midou-san” responded Minami with his usual polite smile and sweet voice. “I was just getting up to use the toilet.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, though he would have preferred if Torao had remained asleep while he collected his clothes and took a shower; his hair was most likely a mess, his face was probably one too, and his body reeked of sweat, sex, and lube.

“Alright. Don’t run away on me, though.” Torao groaned, sat up and stretched, looking at him while he picked up the items discarded the night before. 

“At least let me get you breakfast.” 

Minami furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m not your date, Midou-san. You don’t need to get me anything.”

“Ouch.” He could almost feel Torao wince at his reply. 

Served him right. He was not one of Torao’s flings, though admittedly he hadn’t been playing around that much for the past couple of years and actually had a few steady partners here and there; and Minami was definitely not looking for compensation for the night prior either.

Minami informed out loud that he would be using the shower before closing the bathroom’s door, leaving no room for protest. He looked at himself in the mirror. If it had been a different situation, he would have smiled at the disheveled man looking back at him and fondly remember the activities that messed him up, but the redness around his eyes - thank goodness it was a day off today - was a cruel reminder of the reason behind the offending activities.  
  


Haruka had broken up with him six months or so ago and the wound had refused to heal, because he hadn’t let it, he kept scratching at it in hopes to keep the door open for an eventual reconciliation. He was hurting, he knew Haruka was hurting, it was only natural for them to get back together… he just failed to see that the reason for the break was exactly that: things couldn’t go back to what they were. 

They had kept an amicable relationship and, despite Minami’s broken heart, there were no actual grudges between them. 

A long time ago, earlier in their history, Haruka had got all gloomy over the prospect of them breaking up one day, and he preemptively got depressed; he knew the odds of them lasting long were low, both because of their ages when they got together and because it was Haruka’s first relationship - first anything and everything, really. The scenario Haruka had feared at that time finally came to pass and Minami hadn’t been ready for it at all.

Earlier that day, they had been sitting together on stand by during a job, a healthy space and an uncomfortable tense air between them.

“Say, Isumi-san. Why are we still doing this?”

“Huh. What do you mean ‘this’?” Haruka looked up from his phone; he still liked his silly phone games at twenty.

“This” Minami smiled sadly and gestured at the space between them.

“Minami…” Haruka had made _that_ face; this was painful for both of them.

“I’m sorry, I just…”. Minami looked away. He was picking at scabs again, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

A moment of silence passed between them. Haruka sighed.

“I know.” 

“Then why?” Minami jerked his head towards Haruka once more, pleading, his volume raised.

“You know why…” Haruka wasn’t looking at him. He sounded defeated, almost frustrated.

Minami knew pressing the subject would only make things worse. Sadly, stubbornness was one of his flaws and he refused to back down; he thought there had to be something he hadn’t discovered yet, an emotional button he could press to make Haruka look at him again.

“I understand Isumi-san… we both needed some space, but...” He was going too far and he knew it, “I miss you.”

That seemed to break Haruka a little.

“That’s unfair, please don’t.” he finally looked back at him.

“You don’t miss me…?”. That wasn't what he wanted to say. He wanted to ask what was wrong with him, what he could do better, how he could just make him stay. Minami already knew the answers to all these questions, though.

“That’s… not the point.” Haruka’s frustration was growing. He probably knew what Minami was doing, but he was a kind man that cared too much and didn’t want to hurt him; He wasn’t like Sakura Haruki, he wouldn’t tell him to let him go, that his attachment was futile, that he wasn’t his to keep. But he really needed to hear it.

“Tell me, Isumi-san. Is there any hope for me to cling to? Should I just let go?”

“Minami…” Haruka pleaded once more, his eyes starting to water. Minami let a moment of silence hang between them.

“Should we just move on…?” 

Haruka turned that sad, pleading face into a smile that felt like it was ripping his heart out of his chest. He tried a chuckle, but it came out wrong. Both Haruka and him were on the verge of tears.

“We should.”

The aftermath of those words ended up being a phone call on a whim and waking up in Midou Torao’s apartment

Haruka had been right. His attitude wasn’t healthy, hadn't been for a while, and arguably it hadn’t been last night either. Using Torao to ease his pain was low, but somehow the whole thing felt cathartic.

He wasn’t sure what Torao was thinking at all, though. He had been hesitant at first, but afterwards had quickly given in to his selfish request. Torao’s experienced roughness was very different to Haruka’s tender touch, and letting himself go in his embrace, cry out loud and just let it all out, including the pitiful sobbing session on his chest afterwards, was something Minami deeply needed.

He was glad it was Torao that helped him through it all.

Minami made liberal use of his host’s expensive grooming products as he washed away the remnants of the night prior and took care of his appearance. To his surprise, when he was done, the man looking back at him in the mirror didn’t look as pathetic anymore, and an involuntary relieved smile crept up his face.

Reservations about relationships aside, maybe having breakfast with Torao later wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

**Author's Note:**

> :’D
> 
> First time properly writing (and by that I mean “trying to write”) smut, so I hope it wasn’t too bad ?
> 
> This is kind of a sequel to the scenario in “self indulgence”.
> 
> A couple of small unimportant things: 
> 
> The main reason why Minami asked Torao to not be gentle with him was not for self-punishment, but because Torao was getting too close to comfort to what Haruka would do.
> 
> What Torao was thinking the morning after, while Minami was in the bathroom, was that if Minami was gonna throw himself at people when he was doing bad, at least it could be with him. So basically they end up as on and off fuckbuddies lol
> 
> Thanks to Koko for going through this mess and cleaning it up, to my friends that read it and liked it lol, and to the zool lovemail discord for the usual enabling; this fic is tangentially Hime’s fault xD


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